what should come first? Healing or forgetting? Is there any chronological order? We all have gone through something that has required we heal and forget for peace’s sake. The burden of holding grudges against those that hurt you weighs down on you till you realize you’re loosing yourself to the grave.
My attention has been drawn out of the two, almost similar, stories I’ve been reading that effortlessly triggered tears to dance in all the corners of my eyes despite the resistance to let them out. To what extent would one be willing to go to to protect his or her family’s reputation? Has reputation blinded us this much that we have to allow our kids suffer under our own watch without speaking up on immoral vices immediate family members take them through?
One is of a young Muslim girl who repeatedly got molested by her male cousin that her parents had entrusted her to be her care taker. Watch over her, guide her and protect her. He took advantage of her continuously since childhood till high school and being a child she felt it was normal and very okay since the cousin who was older than her told her it was a tradition when she asked him. What would you have done as kid? When your grown family member tells you it’s a custom and there’s nothing wrong with whatever evil and harm they are causing you.
She later on, while in high school, learnt it was not right and she decided to speak out to the family but it is saddening that even her own parents who ought to be protecting her shun her and warned her against ruining the family’s good reputation 🥺🥺. To what length should we protect an image and reputation of a family? This is a matter that should have been delt with the moment this girl came out to narrate all about what she had been going through since she was left under the guidance of a cousin. She now carries a heavy burden within her, a burden that she’s not responsible for, she was a child that should have been protected. She wishes she never existed, she cannot move forward because of this one obstacle, an obstacle her parents would have gotten out of her way by accepting they made a mistake by trusting someone in the name of a family member to be the one to take care of her and spend most of his time with her.
Tell me how to live with such a big scar? A scar you keep seeing in family gatherings and events. Overly feeling dirty and disgusting when it was entirely not your fault. When the predator is not even remorseful for the damage he’s caused you and you’re forced to even attend his wedding. Parents should do better! If a father or a mother can defile their own children, who is a cousin to leave a child in their care? Parents should keep a close watch on their kids and listen to them when they speak about something unusual and not just listen but act upon such serious matters.
How do you advise such a hurt person to forgive and forget about a life time of defilement? The images of the act come dashing and flashing in her head and she can’t get over the bad things that were done to her. Can such a person heal? She will heal definitely once she makes a pact with herself that she wants to love herself and forgive herself for thinking that it was her fault when it entirely was never her fault all that time. In the meantime I’d allow her to feel however she wants to feel but I’d never want her to take away her life for feeling filthy, she will probably never forget about the whole ordeal but she can heal at her own pace, not a counsellor’s pace.
sainaondy 